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Binge-Watching Your Own Life Story

Have you ever gotten sucked into a TV series? Have you gotten cozy on your couch and binged 2 seasons in a day? Were you so wrapped up in the story that you couldn’t let it go?


From a spiritual point of view, our daily lives are exactly like that TV series, an all-engrossing story that we can’t let go of. We live our specific story, again and again, day after day, because we can’t just get up and leave it at the cliff-hanger. We're hooked on ourselves. We need to know how it turns out. Do we win? Do we overcome the struggle? Do we get a happy ending or are we mid-way through a tragedy?


This is the enticing play of the ego. When we live as ego-beings, and see the world through the eyes of our regular selves, ie. the normal state of everyone on Earth, we are automatically living a play. We are living in a narrative state rather than living in a state of grace or from Source. Part of the work of softening the ego’s grip on our souls is to first, become aware of our narrative.


[EXCERCISE:]


To help yourself become more aware of your ego’s enticing play, try to write a summary of your narrative. If you had to sum up your life as a movie script that you wanted to sell to Netflix, what would your summary say?

For example, would it say, "single mom of two small children stranded and having to make it on her own…."? Would it say, "father struggling against all odds to provide for his family but he is tempted by a seductress who promises respite for his soul, weighted down by his sense of responsibility"? Would it say, "minority, struggling against an unjust system for a bit of basic respect"? How would you summarise your life movie?


Who is the villain of your story? What makes them such an enticing “bad guy”? We often love our villains the most. We are super attached to making them evil and hateful. This can be one of the hardest ego-hooks to loosen. Notice if it feels good to hate your villain. Is there a little part of you that gets to feel so right when they are so wrong? Does that conviction and surety of your righteousness and innocence feel good?


Only when you start to see your narrative, can you start to drop your attachment to it. You can either drop your attachment to little bits of it at a time, or you can drop the whole entire enchilada at once. Most of the time, just becoming aware of the fact that your life is like a play, a narrative, will loosen the spell of the ego on the soul*.

To start to release the grip of your ego-story a little bit at a time, just find the part of the story that you don’t love so much or that feels like a real burden. Now, this is the important part. You need to feel the burdensome quality of that bit of the story IN YOUR BODY, NOT IN YOUR HEAD. You work with the story until that burdensome quality transforms into a feeling of lightness or joy.


You can make that happen in many different ways. Here are a couple of techniques to try.


1) Rewrite the script. Take the character or setting that you don’t like, and literally, rewrite them in a way that would feel good to you in your personal story summary. How would you change that situation, if you could? What would you really like to happen in your life, if you could rewrite it? What would your life script look like? How would your villain transform? Be as detailed as you can be.

Be sure to write your character’s reaction to this new outcome as well. When you feel joyful and satisfied with your new narrative, notice how the original version of it is no longer there. You feel so satisfied with your new writing of it, that the previous version simply cannot exist within you, emotionally, at the same time.

2) Just drop the problem from your heart. It is possible to just drop that bit of your story from your body completely, just for a moment, and make space for something new. Find the feeling of burden that you noticed before, and feel the edges of that burden. Where is it, exactly? Really feel the quality of the burden. Is it heavy? Is it opaque? Is it solid? Is it gooey? Is it foggy? How would you describe it to yourself? When you have a good sense of the burden, you’ve “caught it”, like a fish.


Once you’ve “caught it”, believe it or not, you can work with it. You can just drop it, dissolve it, make it poof out of existence, hurl it into space, put it on a shelf, lay it on a cushion outside of your body, drop it into the ground; whatever makes you feel it’s elimination and absence from your personal space. Keep trying things until you really feel that, at least temporarily, it is gone. Now, notice what’s in that spot instead.


What is in that place where that burden was? Perhaps you’ll feel a sense of openness or lightness? Maybe the emptiness in that spot feels good? Notice the arbitrary nature of your burden. You can have that burden, at any given moment, or not. It’s not a given. It can be moved, dropped, changed, manipulated. (Eventually, we learn to accept and love this burden for a real solution, but that comes later on.)


Your narrative is not set in stone. You are not on a set trajectory. You are not a train set on a track. Even the things that feel like they are essential parts of ourselves are moveable, malleable, droppable. You can keep the parts of your story that you like and rewrite the ones that you don’t. Eventually, your life circumstances catch up to your new narrative. Have fun with it!

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